New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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