I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
