matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Pants are for mortals
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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