Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
