I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
