Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
