So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
