It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
