So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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