I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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