i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
