shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
