11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
