My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
