I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
