She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
