is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
