don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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