Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
