dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
