i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
NoShamevember. You game?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
