Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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