Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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