Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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