Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
