I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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