just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
