Whod you bang
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
