and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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