there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
