Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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