Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
