I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
