Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
