someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
nutella sex= disaster
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
