I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
