After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
