Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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