yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
