she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
