Your face is a jimmy john
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
