I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
