I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
