I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
