i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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