You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
