bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
