So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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