So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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