She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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