And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
