My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
